Ok Computer
by kikos ai
Summary: SPD humor fic: Newly recruited Z Delgado receives her standard issue SPD laptop, the wondrous, user friendly Cranston4000…and hasn’t a clue what to do next.


_**Disclaimer:** I own the Power Rangers. I also own the souls of the actors of SPD, MF and NS, Katie from Time Force, Adam Park and the country of New Zealand. Plan Xander? My idea. And if you believe me, I have a Bridge Carson to sell you._

_**Dedication:**To the fine looking people of #prfic, who put up with my constant snark, my obsession with Jack/Bridge and the true SWAT mode. If, my dear readers, you are an IRC type of person, by all means drop on in! _

_A little clarification before you start: The "Myers/Brigg" test is a real personality exam that is given to employees, students and potential employees throughout the United States. Its results are often very…interesting. On that note, enjoy!_

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**Ok Computer**

"No way, Boom! That's it?"

"What's wrong Z? You sound so disappointed."

"Not disappointed, Pinky. Its just that I expected more."

"Yeah it is a little….small."

"Hey!"

"Its so…tiny."

"Its cute."

"I can't help the way it looks--"

"Boom can I touch it?"

"What!"

"It's yours Z, remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

"Alright…just be careful with it. Its brand new," Boom warned as he handed over the shiny new laptop to Z Delgado.

"Its so light!"

"Aww and look, it even has a little yellow stripe on it!" Syd cooed.

"How do I turn it on?"

"…Try the on button? That little half circle right there," Boom instructed Z.

"Ohhh…"

"Ahh, yeah. Look I'm gonna go now, cause Kat has stuff for me to do."

"You're not gonna help me with this thing?" Z frowned at Boom.

"Its not that hard, Z. Syd can show you how to work with it. Everything is already pre-installed…plus I'm really late to help Kat train C squad in simulations," Boom's face paled slightly at the thought of another round of holographic training with overeager and overpowered cadets.

"Yeah don't worry Z, Bridge helped me start up my standard issue laptop. Told me how to do everything…he even fixed it so that I got the latest Cosmo issue downloaded automatically into my computer….along with random desert recipes and _1001 Meals With Toast."_

"Ick."

"That's Bridge for you. Later ladies!" Boom waved as he dumped Z's power cord and SPD standard issue computer case on her bed and raced out of the room in his usual 'near panicked' run.

"Wait Boom!" Z called after him. "Dang."

"Trust me Z. Its easy," Syd patted her roommate's shoulder. "Even you can do it."

"What's that supposed to mean, Princess?"

"It means turn on the computer already?"

"…Yeah right," Z grumbled.

She gave her roommate the evil eye, which was ignored by the hyper young woman beside her. Z pushed the on button on her tiny laptop with a little more force than necessary…and nearly dropped the thing when it sprang to life with a loud ding.

"Hello Cadet."

"….Syd?"

"Yes?"

"Did the computer just…talk to me?"

"Yeah. Talk back to it."

"….What?"

"Man, you act like you've never used a computer before," the Pink Ranger sniffed.

"Yeah you know something its surprisingly hard to find a power source out on the streets, Syd," Z snarked at her roommate.

"Geez, calm down Z. A bit touchy aren't we?" Syd gave her roommate a half apologetic smile before gently taking the computer out of Z's hands.

"Hello computer."

"Hello Cadet. I am the Cranston4000. I am currently running on the Wolf OX Y operating system and I am currently set to Earth Basic English. Dialect: North American. Would you like me to list my specifications?"

"No thank you, 4000. Can I register now?"

"Certainly. Who will be my primary owner?"

"Elizabeth Delgado."

"Searching…record found. Elizabeth Delgado, B squad, Yellow Power Ranger. Clearance level 4. Authenticating….Done. Hello Elizabeth."

Syd turned to Z and held out the laptop to her amused roommate. "That's your cue, Z."

Z stared wide-eyed at Syd. "Wha…"

"Its easy. The computer will talk you through the rest of the installation."

"Er….ok…." Z took the laptop back and cradled it gently, as if it were a bomb about to explode. Syd broke into a bemused smile and reached over to guide her roommate over to her bed. Z sat down and carefully balanced the laptop on her crossed legs.

"Ah..hello computer."

"Hello Elizabeth."

"Z," Z said automatically. "Er I mean…call me 'Z'?"

"Certainly. Hello Z."

"Much better," Z grinned. "Ahh what next?"

"Would you like to review your daily schedule?"

"…You can do that?"

"Affirmative."

"…Alright…"

Z startled as the screen in front of her shifted from a soft blue to a yellow screen with the SPD logo at the top. Tiny boxes began to appear with times, headings and descriptions.

"Schedule for today, Monday, January 11th 2025.

11:30pm: Weapons seminar in the Scott Lecture Hall with Officer Chounette.

12:30pm: Lunch and free time.

1:30pm: Martial Arts Class in the Park gymnasium with Officers Arrow and Caladan.

3:30pm: Consultation with Commander Cruger in the Command Center.

4:30 pm: History of Rangering lecture in Taylor Auditorium with Officer Ruch-"

"Ah that's ok. I can read the rest myself," Z interpreted.

"Ok. Would you like to review the schedules of your teammates?"

"What I can do that too?"

"Affirmative."

Z watched as the screen in front of her shifted to include four other different colored boxes.

"Hey look Syd, the computer can tell me when we have classes together…which is like nearly always...ugh, except 'Beginning Police Procedures' that's just me and Jack and a bunch of D squanders…Oh Bridge and I have the same break period. That's neat huh Syd?

…Syd?"

Z looked up to discover that her roommate had slipped out of the room while she was busy with her new computer.

"Yeah 'Syd will help you'. Thanks a lot, Pinky."

"Z?"

Z returned her attention to the computer in front of her.

"Ah..yeah?"

"Would you like to review your new networks now?"

"What's that mean?"

"A network is an series of interconnected connections that allows communications from individual computers--"

"No I know that. I mean…er..I…just show me the damn things already."

"Working..done. You are automatically a part of the following networks; cadets, commandofficers, bsquadrangers, transfercadets--"

"Lets look at the B-squad network."

"Ok. There are four other computers in this network. Would you like to view B squad's shared files?"

"Go for it."

"Processing…done. There are four folders in the shared file; Jack, Schuyler, Bridge, and Syd."

"What's in Sky's file?"

"Schuyler is sharing two PDF files; _SPD Rules and Regulations, Earth Edition_ and _SPD Rules and Regulations, Galactic Edition."_

"Figures. Lets try Jack."

"Jack is not currently sharing any files."

"Boo. Ok, try Bridge."

"Bridge is sharing 40,032 files."

"Whoa! Display files please."

A long list of file names filled a green colored screen on Z's laptop. She scanned through the first page of files in amusement.

"Lets see, PDF files; _1001 Meals with Toast_,_ Celebrating 490 Varieties of Bread_, _The Joy of Wheat_,_ Carbohydrates and You_…man I think Bridge has a problem…. _Cooking with Butter_, _The Buttery Brigade_, _I Can't Believe Its Butter_….ok starting to get freaked here.

"Recommendation."

"Really? Knock yourself out."

"Would you like to direct link to Bridge Carson's computer, **Buttery**?"

"…His computer is named 'Buttery'?"

"Affirmative."

"Right…why?"

"Bridge Carson is registered as a Cranston Computer Tech, certificate 49979, authenticated on July 14th 2021. He is also a member of the Cranston Genius Program, MENSA, the Green Ranger Society--"

"Computer tech…oh I see what you mean. If I have any computer questions, I should just ask Bridge."

"Affirmative. A instant message can be sent to Bridge's computer where he can answer the next time he checks his computer."

"Ah…might as well. Even though he like lives down the hall from me and I could, you know, just yell for him."

"Link done. Would you like to review Cadet Carson's shared music and video files?"

"Oh sure. I wonder what type of music that boy likes."

"**Buttery** contains 85 different genres of music and 140 different genres of film."

"Man, what does Bridge live on his computer or something?"

"Processing…done. User Stats for **Buttery**: Average 6.3 hours per day, 42 hours per week."

"Whoa ok, thanks for the info. I don't think I need to know that much about Bridge."

"Would you like to review Bridge Carson's blog?"

"…I'm not sure I'm ready to read that just yet, thanks. Geez, the way your pushing Bridge on me, I feel like the next recommendation you're gonna have for me is to set up a date with Bridge," Z chuckled.

"Processing request…done. Compatibility level between Cadet Delgado and Cadet Carson is 45, approximately 12 points lower than recommended compatibility levels."

"…WHAT!"

"--However 40 of cadets involved in long term relationships had the same compatibility level, therefore the commencement of a relationship is advisable. Would you like a detailed analysis?"

"Of what, compatibility between me and Bridge?"

"Affirmative."

"You just calculated how likely it is for me and Bridge to hook up!"

"Affirmat--"

"What the hell? How!"

"Compatibility between Rangers is based on the Myers/Kwan/Briggs personality exam administered to each entering cadet at SPD."

"I didn't take any personality exam!"

"Negative. Cadet Elizabeth Delgado answered the 116 question exam in her Orientation Package on January 7th 2025."

"…"

"Other exams filed that day include Cadet Jack Landors, Medic Aoife Astro, First Lieutenant Mandee—"

"Wait! That long survey thing? But me and Jack just clicked random answers…thought it was just a bureaucratic piece of nonsense—wait, so you're saying that you calculated the odds of Bridge and me dating based on those answers?"

"Affirmative."

"And I'm 45 compatible with BRIDGE!"

"Affirmative."

"What the hell! I didn't know SPD had a dating service too! What is that part of the cadet benefits program, to see us all married off to each other!"

"Personality exams are given to each entering cadet and transfer personnel in order to help the administration assign each individual to their most ideal workspace. Personality exams allow Officers to assess their students and assign them to appropriate squadrons."

"Oh please, like Sky, Bridge and Syd make a great team."

"The team compatibility ranking of the named cadets, Tate, Carson and Drew, is at 51. It has dropped from 58 from the year 2024 and risen 5 since 2023."

"….Oh."

"Would you like your relationship compatibility score with other personnel at SPD?"

"What? No! …Er…maybe. I…dunno….crap."

"Processing…done. Would you like a alphabetical list or by ranking?"

"Ranking? Oh God, please don't tell me you just calculated my compatibility with Cruger."

"Commander Cruger's Myers/Kwan/Brigg is not available to the public."

"Thank God."

"Please submit parameters."

"…I'm going to regret this aren't I?"

"Human interaction guidelines and North American morality guidelines provide a YES answer at 90."

"Smart ass computer. Display B squad compatibility."

"Processing. Done. Cadet Elizabeth Delgado has a 11 compatibility with Cadet Jack Landors, a 39 compatibility ranking with Cadet Schuyler Tate, a 45 compata—"

"Wait wait. 11 with Jack?"

"Affirmative."

"No way, see you're wrong, you stupid bucket of bolts! Jack and I are best friends."

"Answers to the Myers/Kwan/Briggs personality test suggest a 11 compatibility--"

"Yada yada. See, me and Jack didn't bother to answer that thing right. That's why you're saying I'm better off with Bridge than Jack!"

"Negative. There is no way to lie on the Myers/Kwan/Brigg test."

"But--"

"The Myers/Kwan/Brigg is created so that answers to preceding questions result in comparable sequent questions. Each test is designed to model itself after the test taker and therefore each result is uniquely fashioned to the individual."

"Wha?"

"There are no wrong or random answers in the Myers/Kwan/Brigg test. Even if the test taker answers in a manner opposite to his or her intentions, later questions will re ask the same parameters until the test taker answers to his or her true sentiments."

"You're saying no one can lie on these damn things?"

"Affirmative."

"Bullshit. I lied on that test and so did Jack. We're practically siblings and we have a lot in common."

"Compatibility does not limit itself to common interest. The Myers/Kwan/Brigg also measures temperament, personality, the health of each test taker, sexual attraction--"

"What!"

"—In order to create the ideal pair."

"This is such bullshit. Ok, 'oh great unfaultable computer. If I'm not compatible with Jack then who am I compatible with?"

"Please restate question. Do you wish do know your highest compatibility score?"

"Yeah that."

"Elizabeth Delgado has a 89 compatibility rating with Cadet Sydney Drew."

"…..What?"

"Elizabeth Delgado has a 89 compatibility rating with Cadet Sydney Drew."

"NO. WAY."

"Please restate query."

"No…that's just….there is no way I'm anywhere NEAR compatible with that rich, blond haired, whiney, pink monster!"

"Would you like a detailed breakdown of the compatibility between Cadet Elizabeth Delgado and--"

"NO I DO NOT!"

"Would you like a print out of--"

"NO! No, no no, just forget about this compatibility shit and shut off already will you?"

"Affirmative. Please do not forget Z, that you have a Weapons Seminar in five minutes at the Scott Lecture Hall. Would you like to see a map?"

"No already, don't push your luck you stupid thing. Shut down!"

"Affirmative. Good Bye Z."

" 'Good bye Z'," Z mocked as the computer screen went blank. "Ugh, if you weren't a required piece of equipment I'd--"

"Hey Z!"

"What! Oh sorry Bridge," Z apologized to a shocked Green Ranger. "Whats up?"

"Ahh...just coming to remind you we have a Weapons seminar in like five minutes. Oh wow, did you get your new laptop? Its neat huh?"

"A real marvel. I can't believe I ever lived without one," Z placed the laptop on her bed and covered it with a pillow. "Lets just go, alright?"

"Are you ok Z?" Bridge stared from the doorway. "You look frustrated…are you having problems with the new interface? I heard the new operating system is particularly user friendly--"

"Yeah we're practically pals, the computer and I. Lets go, butter boy, we're gonna be late for our class," Z snarled as she marched over to Bridge, grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room.

Bridge's puzzled voice echoed down the hallway.

"Butter boy?"

The mechanical doors, detecting the departure of the warm human bodies from the room, slid themselves shut on the empty room. However, just before the doors completely closed, a random piece of paper was seen fluttering out of the printer located on Syd's desk.

A compatibility report. Just in case.


End file.
